Satan-sama in an Otaku!

Hai!

My name is Satan. This is a story of my Weekly life. My peers usually call me Demon Lord, but you can call me Satan. Not anyone else, but only you can call me Satan because you had won my affection, hehehe. What? You want to call me something else to show your level of affection? A nickname you say?

Hmm…

I’m not quite sure.

I don’t really quite like nickname, because last time I agreed on having a nickname, my Mom called me as Satty. Gabriel made fun of me by calling me Sassy. I ended up punching him with my ‘Super Duper Ultra Extra Normal Punch’ and send him down from Heaven to Hell. I got reprimanded from God for that.

Not that I care though,

But the fact that God sent me to Hell as a punishment is quite disturbing even for me. Hell is horrible, everyday it felt like I’m on a barbecue. The only exception is that, I am the meat and the low class demons are those who were having the treat. But well, as you already know, I am strong. Super Duper Mega strong, I’m even stronger than Saitama and Son Goku combined. One flick is all I need to turn those low Class Demons back into ashes.

Now that I think of it, there are a few Demons who are really stubborn as well, for example Beelzebub. He won’t stay quiet because I kept on killing his subordinates that tried to eat me. In the end I gave him a good bashing and POMFT! I decorated my hunting room with his head hung onto one of the hook that I made for animals when I went on hunting in human world.

I took the liberty of taking my morning coffee while viewing the phenomenal view of undying fire that danced on my territory accompanied with Beelzebub’s head.

MMMmmmm Em! Virgin licking good!

It took me quite a few weeks to get accustomed to Hell. When I was in Heaven, all of the things that I ever wanted was easily obtained. What? You want to know how I obtained the thing that I wanted. Pfft… You don’t have enough affection point on me to know it, yet.

But in hell, damn! Life is hard. I mean, not that I’m alive. I was never alive to begin with if you know what I mean. But it was so uncomfortable living in hell; it was even hotter than the sacred land of Comiket during summer. If you define Sahara Dessert as hot, the Demons here will call that as BS! The heat in Sahara Dessert is like lukewarm hot spring water compared to hell. Hell is so hot that you can get tanned in less than a minute.

And you wondered why Demons are on the dark side…?

I’ve been doing my best to make even the slightest improvement in hell. I’ve thought about turning the red barren land hell into lands of green. The first thing that I tried to do was planting an Onion. That night, I cried so much for the first effort that I had ever done.

I shouldn’t have cut the Onion into two.

On my second attempt, I went into the human world, took thousands herd of sheep and let them settled down for a while in Hell. However, Hell is a place where you can never die, because you already died. The sheep that I brought over from Human World to Hell, began to develop an addiction of thrilling experience, I think those sheep were affected by Beelzebub’s Dark Miasma.

And we all know what kind of ‘Demon’ Beelzebub is.

The sheep kept on jumping all day and ram on each other heads like fools, and they began talking in Demon Language. About how fun it is if they are able to eat some human flesh, or how good will human flesh taste. I was not able to bear the noise of those[s] shits[/s] sheep and I sent them back to Earth.

But shit!

A few months later they came back to Hell, upgraded.

“Heyo Satan, wassap!”

“Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Saytan. Whatapp!”

They looked like those hipster in 1980 that I saw on TV. Apparently they were still affected by Beelzebub’s Dark Miasma by the time they reached Human World. The Sheep was partying all day and jumped off from a cliff when they were too high on weed.

Those Sheep was so loud that I relocated them all to another side of Hell.

Finally! Peace for my mind!

On my third attempt, I went to the Human world and distribute the flyers about how Hell is an awesome place. I sugarcoat the sentences and put an eye catching graphic, I even asked Lucifer to create a website called http://www.666-IAmSo.moe for hell’s dwellers to interact with each other. I was thinking to use Whatapp before, but you need to pay 0.99 dollar a year for the service.

What the fuck (?)

We don’t use dollar in hell. How am I supposed to pay for it? Well, maybe I can work a thing or two but the lower class Demons here won’t even be able navigate an android phone.

But the plan failed. There is a group of dark metal punk, or was it gothic who founded a new cult called ‘The Triangle’. Now everybody is busy talking about Illuminati and shit.

One day, I’m going to find the Demon that those human contracted with and ‘educate’ him on not ruining other’s effort.

I’ve tried so many things to make an improvement for hell but there was nothing that worked! I can already publish 2 or 3 books on hell’s how-to.

However,

There is this one time when an architect was sent down here right after I made my 665 attempt to make Hell a better place. He supposed to build the building with a proper blue print and proper material. He even got paid in advance in order to motivate him to work diligently. He really did work diligently.

What… You ask me if he really worked diligently why did he go to hell?

Geez! You really like opening other’s wound do you?

But it’s okay that is what I like about you. ❤

But I still won’t disclosure his secrets out, because I made a promise to him.

Wait what? A Demon King keeping his promise is so lame?

What are you talking about? I may be a Demon Lord, but just so you know I was the Commander of God’s army. I am the Demon’s Lord, but I myself am not a Demon. Deep inside this heart is still your good old pure and innocence Satan-sama who loves vanilla more than NTR.

CURSE NTR! I hope every NTR avid goes to hell and I will personally educate them!

Leaving that aside.

Let me continue my story… Where was I? Oh right! About the Architect! When the Architect was sent down here, I was ecstatic. I’ve made a lot of blue prints for buildings, and used Beelzebub minions as the physical laborers. It was great! The architect is a man of many talents. Not only he knows the how-to on every task that I asked him, he even made improvements based on his own judgment.

After 50 years in hell, I was finally able to take a breather. We now got shopping malls, sauna, hot spring at lava temperature and thousands of rest house. Each rest house is supplied with air-conditioner which the Architect himself had created from scratch.

Damn I loved that guy, NO HOMO!

But everything changed when the Fire Nation… I mean God gave me a call which goes like this.

God : Satan.

Me : Yes boss?!

God : How are things faring in hell?

Me : Everything is great Boss! The new dweller that Your Son sent to hell is a great man; he built us a Shopping Mall, Karaoke Bar, Hot Spring, Inn and even made an air-conditioner. Well it was hard at first but now everything’s gonna be daijoubu. We are planning to make a theater next year.

God : What? JESUS CHRIST! Get that man back to Heaven!

AND THAT! Was how I saved a man who worked diligently from hell!

[i]I’m going to miss you! Be careful with Gabriel!
[/i]
Anyway, before he left to heaven he built a huge mansion for me. *Cries*

The mansion is perfect from every pentagon angle. It was white colored before, but as the heat seeps in, it got charred by the fire and now looking as if it is a haunted house. I was about to invite the President of VSA for some political relationship.

I ought to tell him to stop sending his residents to HELL. Give the civilian their rights, reduce the tax and oil price, create a lot more job opportunities, and fuck those parents who blame the education system for making their child stupid.

It’s not the education system, nowadays SHITTY BRAT is too spoiled by their SHITTY parents. That is what you get for not thinking about their future, lowest wage pay!

Seriously STAPH!!!! It’s getting crowded in here.

I tried to leave him the message by getting inside his lucid dream but I was replied with this,

“Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

Well fuck him! Ain’t nobody got time for you either when you plead me that you’re not supposed to be in Hell next time we see each other.

Putting that aside, I looked at Beelzebub who had been hung onto my wall for over 50 years now. I offered him a chance to redeem himself by turning becoming into one of my subordinates. At first, he vividly reject and even spew a lot of cursing word at me.

I had to make 4 volumes of dictionaries just to decipher the meaning of his curse word.

After another few years passed, Beelzebub no longer spews his cursing word. Or rather, he no longer dared to spew his curse word. I didn’t quite bothered about his cursing word at first, but as I managed to decipher one of his cursing word which sounds like this,

Beelzebub : Your mama is so fat I thought she was a fairy.

I feed so many of my Cerberus dog’s food that he turned into a fatty instead.

After another year of silent treatment from him, I offer him another chance to redeem
himself by becoming my subordinate, which he obediently accepted.

Good Boy!

Me : Well then, I’m feeling a little bit nostalgic So I’m going to visit the human world for a while.

Beelzebub : …

Me : If I’m not mistaken, in a few more days Winter Comiket will be opened and there will be thousands of human being visiting the sacred place. I ought to do some preparation myself.

I went to the human world. Got my new haircut, my sage beard that is up to my knees trimmed and bought a new Aloha shirt and a thick jacket…

With this, everybody will think me as another weird foreigner old man who was addicted to Japanese Anime and Manga. Of course, I am wearing glasses as well to hide my overflowing devilish seducing eyes. I was made almost too perfect by God to not to be noticed.

With that said, before Comiket start. I went into lots and lots of Maid Cafes. Bought myself a new computer parts and visited a few of my Fellow Hell Dweller. They are very famous group, If I’m not mistaken they are Death Metal City. The Vocalist while in off-mode, is a very pleasant man to converse with. He got a great taste in music.

While I might be into hard rock metal, I also like a soothing music that pleases my ears. Nufufufufu.

We chatted for a few hours about the Log Horizon EPIC opening and how it really energize one to watch the series and talk about the new boob character that was seen in Season 1 foreshadow. I had a blast.

When the Winter Comiket almost started. I made sure to camp outside a day before the event start because there will be thousands of people waiting to get inside the sacred land. As expected from Japanese Otaku. SO HARDCORE! The cold are like NOTHING to them!

But of course it was nothing to me too who had trained my body and soul in hell for more than 50 years. I have prepared a long time for this. But it was definitely a challenge when I had to camp outside in cold, I’m invincible to heat but not against cold. Even the air-conditioner in my mansion wasn’t able to reach this level of coolness.

What?

Why do I like Anime and Manga? Such a simple question, I am immortal. In this immortal life I’ve ran out of things to do and things to try. But Japanese anime and manga is so fascinating, I once stumbled upon a manga entitled Gintama and I almost die laughing. Not that I can die though.

I used to be into Greek mythologies, reading about their awesome legends and stuff. But when I found out that they’re real, I kinda lost the mood.

Well shit.

You don’t want your creator find out that you are admiring another God right? What’s more, Zeus in the stories sounds so strong and OP. I went to his place to ask for autograph, but he spoke badly of me and cursed me out and scream on bullshit like,

Zeus : Meet my manager before you meet me. I’m working my sexy muscle right now.

In the end, I was enraged and I challenged him on and he was left disabled in less than 10 minutes. If it wasn’t for Hera who begged me on her knees I wouldn’t even leave him alive. What a joke for a God.

Oh! I wanted to talk more but the event is starting. I’ll continue my story in another day if I’m not busy reading my newly bought doujin. VIVA HOMUNCULUS!